


stay here (and love away the fear)

by femmbers



Series: would you be so kind (as to fall in love with me)? [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Getting Together, I need a beta writer, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Phan - Freeform, Texting, look idk how to tag, no beta writer, sorry guys I’m still looking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 22:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15872958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femmbers/pseuds/femmbers
Summary: When they finally started unraveling the mess that they had gotten themselves in, the path back had already been tangled beyond recognition.Or:Dan keeps freaking out about Phil’s new haircut, and Phil kinda knows what’s up.  And “what’s up” is that it’s not just the haircut.You don’t need to have read the previous part to read this, but if you wanna you can :)





	stay here (and love away the fear)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m a mess.  
> Disclaimer: I have no idea what the layout of their flat is. I’m sorry. Also: this happens a little bit after the posting of Giving the People What They Want bc I don’t know about touring and stuff soooo  
> Also! I have no clue why I can only finish dnp stuff– I have so many other WIPs, I mean honestly, I have like twenty spideypool fics that I’m writing right now, not including the personal project (read: the book I wanna write) that I’ve been working on fleshing out for OVER A YEAR but still can’t write anything good for it. Fortunately for the phandom, I guess I can only write (and finish) phan. So. This is what happened. Even though I never planned on writing a second part to this.  
> And, as y’all should know: I don’t own Dan and Phil. They be them. I be me. But I be a writer and I gotta write stuff, so. And if either of them are reading this, I am so, so sorry. And if some interviewer thinks to themselves “let’s embarrass Dan and Phil by reading their fanfiction!”, please choose another fic. And also leave Dan and Phil alone.

Dan shouldn’t be freaking out this much about such a simple thing.

 

It was hair. It was _Phil’s_ hair.

 

It was ridiculous.

 

Not the hair — that looked fantastic. Obviously. The way Dan kept doing a double take every time he glanced at him — that was ridiculous.

 

When the hairdresser revealed Phil’s new style (Phil had wanted the final product to be a surprise), Dan could barely say a thing other than “Wow,” and “That looks great, Phil” without stumbling over his words and making himself look like more of a fool than before.

 

Once, while Dan was rewatching _the Office_ for the millionth time, Phil had stumbled into his room and asked if he knew where Dan had put the Advil. Dan had honestly thought he was about to overheat.

 

It took him a moment to take the whole of Phil in — the messy hair, the joggers that were perpetually too small for him, the hand scratching his stomach that lifted his sweatshirt up, exposing his abdomen — that it took _way_ too long for him to respond with a shaky “uh, yeah, it’s on the kitchen counter”. His mouth had run dry. He’d never sympathized with Jim so much before, but now— well, things were different, now.

 

It wasn’t just Phil’s appearance, either; his entire demeanor had changed. It seemed like Phil had become more confident in himself with his change in style. His selfies had started to become more _“Hey, I look and I feel attractive! Isn’t that cool?”_ instead of _“LOL, I know I still have this fringe and it looks ridiculous but here’s a picture of me and this cool thing happening in the background!”_

 

It’s not that Dan was suddenly uncomfortable with Phil being more comfortable with his public appearance, it was that Dan was suddenly back in college, praying that Phil would notice him, recognise him, _see_ him. Dan was once again in awe of Phil, fanboying over him like he was some object to worship.

 

And Dan _hated_ it. He hated the adrenaline rush from any _completely platonic_ touch between them. Phil was — it was _Phil,_ for fuck’s sake. Phil who ate all the cereal. Phil who got scared watching It. Phil who stressed over the next Avengers movie.

But it was Phil. Phil who smiled when Dan made a joke. Phil who tolerated Dan’s screaming. Phil who let Dan swear all he wants on his channel, who would bleep it out without issue. Phil who was kind and sweet and just so _good._

 

What they _had_ was so good. And he couldn’t ruin it.

  


———

  


P: Dan

 

D: What

 

P: I’m bored

 

D: Yeah same

 

P: Let’s have a sleepover

 

D: We’re in the same house it’s an infinite sleepover forever

 

P: Yeah but I wanna talk too

 

D: We’re talking rn

 

P: Nope we’re texting

 

D: Correction: I am communicating with you

 

P: Better but I wanna see u in person

 

D: Then come to my room

 

P: Ok one sec

  


_then come to my room_

 

What the _hell_ was he thinking?

 

Jesus Christ, he needed to get laid.

 

“Hello!”

 

Dan smiled up at Phil’s entrance. “Okay, who’s getting their hair braided first?”

  


———

  


“I dunno, we are kinda a couple.”

 

Dan almost spit out his water. “Wh- _what?”_

 

Phil blinked at him. “A married couple. Ya’ know, we act like a married couple.”

 

Dan nodded vigorously, stumbling over his thoughts. “Of course! Er... I make the coffee, you do the laundry…”

 

“And you yell at the neighbors when they get too loud.”

 

Dan rolled his eyes. “I’m, uh, I’m pretty sure that’s not why people call us a married couple.”

 

“I’m talking about how we’re domestic — they think we’re a couple cause they think we’re _gay_.”

 

“We _are_ gay.”

 

“Well— you’re bi. I’m gay.”

 

“It’s an umbrella term, Phil. You know this.”

 

“Either way, we aren’t a couple and we’re still gay.”

 

“We can be gay without being a couple. It’s not illegal.”

 

“Well, I dunno- we are technically a couple.”

 

Heat crawled up Dan’s collar, and he stared at Phil.

 

“You know, a couple of friends. Two friends.”

 

Dan had the sudden urge to grab Phil’s cereal bowl and beat him over the head with it, screaming _what the HELL why are you LIKE THIS, STOP ALREADY_. “‘Course,” He said. “Obviously.” He tried not to sound anything other than neutral on the topic.

 

“You know you can– you can _talk_ to me, you know that, right?”

 

Fuck. He wasn’t that transparent, right? Dan exhaled shakily. “Yeah. I know that.”

 

“We aren’t gonna have a repeat of 2012?”

 

“As long as you don’t tell the people of the internet that we’re shagging, sure.”

 

Phil frowned. “That was a mistake. We were out together when it got released. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.”

 

“I know. I’m not— I’m not bitter about that anymore. We’re past that.”

 

“Are we?”

 

Dan furrowed his eyebrows. “Why are you bugging me about this?”

 

”I just— you’ve been different lately, Dan. It’s weird. It’s like you’ve been avoiding me, but I haven’t changed much— so I know it’s probably not something _I’ve_ done, but it’s like you’re taking it out on me.”

 

All Dan felt comfortable saying was a quiet “Oh.”

 

“ _Was_ it something I did?”

 

Dan shook his head vigorously. “No. No, it’s not your fault, it’s all my fault, really.”

 

“Aha!” Phil shot up from his chair, a triumphant look crossing his face. “So there _is_ something wrong.”

 

Dan stared at him in something like shock and embarrassment. Slowly, Phil’s face morphed into a more sullen, shameful look. “You don’t…” Phil blinked rapidly, staring at the table. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. Just forget I said anything.” Even more quietly, he added, “sorry.”

 

Dan swallowed, and stood up too.

 

Dan could see Phil tense as he walked toward him. “I’m… uh. I gotta get to the sink.” He gestured to it behind Phil, and raised his empty glass.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry.”

 

Dan carefully placed his glass in the sink. _Act natural, Dan, you aren’t a fucking alien._

 

_What just happened? Why were they fighting all of a sudden?_

 

Dan turned around. Phil was still standing up, but he was looking at Dan now.

 

He looked weird, too. It wasn’t bad— Phil _couldn’t_ look bad in that haircut— but there was an expression on his face that he couldn’t place.

 

He was frowning, yeah, but he didn’t look angry. Or sad. He kinda looked… afraid? No.

Slightly lost. But hungry. And, well— Dan was not cereal.

 

“Phil?” His voice was shaky. _Calm down, Dan, it’s probably not that fucking deep_.

 

Phil took a step towards him, but Dan couldn’t back up any more—he was right against the kitchen counter.

 

Dan swallowed. “Phil.” His voice was stronger now.

 

He took another step towards him. Dan leveled his head.  “Phil. What are you doing?”

 

Phil’s hand found its way to Dan’s forearm.   _Jesus._   _Don’t freak out, don’t freak out._

 

“I’m, uh– trying something out.”  Phil leaned forward, leading with his mouth and Dan–

 

Dan looked away. He could almost hear the disappointment itching it’s way through Phil’s expression.

 

“This… this would change everything about us,” he breathed out shakily.

 

“That’s what I’m _counting_ on.”

 

Dan glanced back at Phil, and something like hope crossed his mind.

 

That was before Phil leaned into him, and suddenly they were kissing.

 

Well— one could, technically, call it a kiss. It started out with just their mouths pressed against each other; it was simple, sweet, chaste. But when Phil’s hand slid up Dan’s waist and bent his head back, palm pressed against his neck to get a better angle, Dan gasped into Phil’s mouth and _oh._ Dan knew his neck was sensitive but _holy shit_ this was different than kissing a girl — this was Phil and Phil had his _tongue_ in Dan’s _mouth_ and it was _so much better than he imagined it._

Dan could feel Phil’s other hand squeeze his waist gently and Dan reached up his arm and spread his hand through the hair that had been killing him for almost a month. It was softer than he thought it would be, and Dan desperately wanted to stay like this forever.

 

Phil wrapped another arm around Dan and— _what was happening why was he doing this was he_ completely insane _what the FUCK—_ Dan pressed his nose into Phil’s neck and— _you are NOT smelling him, who the hell do you think you are—_ Phil’s morning stubble was just _so rough_ against his cheek and that’s shouldn’t affect him as much as it does, but here they were and _what the hell was going on_.

 

“C’mon, Dan,” Phil squeezed his waist gently, and _why was he being so good, why was this happening, what was happening to them–_ “Kiss me again, before you lose your nerve.”

 

Dan had never been so quick to obey him.  

 

And then they were kissing again, and Dan’s head felt so airy– like the opposite of a migraine.

 

When Phil finally pulled back, there was a line of saliva drawing back from their mouths. Dan blinked and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “That was-“

 

“Late,” Phil finished. “That happened way too late.”

 

Despite having just kissed, Dan felt like Phil was still so _close_ . Even though Dan was only an inch taller than Phil, Dan felt _small_.

 

It would be only later that he realised that it wasn’t that he felt small — he felt _safe._

 

Dan smiled. “It’s never too late for _loooove.”_

 

Phil giggled. “That’s super cheesy. You can’t just _say_ things like that and be serious about it.”

 

“Sorry, I forgot, you don’t like cheese, you like _me.”_

 

Phil blinked. “I-“

 

“You like _Daniel James Howell._ What a nerd.”

 

Dan didn’t know what made him change his mood so quickly (he just _kissed Phil Lester._ That’s so _cool!!)_ , but suddenly he felt so _light_. So _happy._

 

He was _happy_.

 

“And you, my friend, like Philip Michael Lester. What’s up with that? Did you hit your head?”

 

“Yeah, like _ten years ago._ ”

 

Phil froze. “Ten… ten years?”

 

Dan looked down. “Uh… yeah. Ten years. I didn’t, uh… I didn’t want to ruin what we had already.”

 

“You could never ruin editing tips!”

 

Dan scowled. “You know what the hell I mean-“

 

Phil snorted. “Yeah, Dan, you totally ruined it. I’m never gonna stop kissing you.”

 

Dan’s face flushed. “I wasn’t even the one who ruined it. _You_ kissed _me._ I wasn’t the one who started making out.”

 

Phil shrugged and pulled away. The loss of contact was startling— was Dan _really_ that touch starved?— but Phil’s smile erased any previous doubts from his mind.

 

Dan suddenly had no idea what to say. What to do. Where do his hands go again?  His limbs felt too large for his body. He put them in his pockets and hoped he didn’t look ridiculous. Phil stared at him. “Phil, c’mon.”

 

Phil just stared and him, but his smile widened. Dan’s face reddened. “Fuck you. How are you so normal about this?”

 

“Oh, don’t worry,” Phil’s smile faded. “I’m freaking out. I just- I mean-“ Phil smiled again and looked away. “I’m in shock, I guess. This is just… insane. I never thought this would actually happen.”

 

_Stop blushing. Stop it, you shit, you look like a fucking idiot. Stop staring at him! What the fuck!_

 

Dan couldn’t stop. But, then again, if they were both flustered, both nervous out of their minds, but both _wanting,_ what was there to be stopping?

 

“I guess this is– I mean, it’s happening.  It’s _happened._ ”

 

“Wait–” Phil stared at Dan.  “ _You_ didn’t want to ruin what we had?”

 

Dan nodded slowly, suddenly nervous.  He suddenly had the mental image of him kicking the word “ANXIETY” in the face repeatedly.

 

“That’s _exactly_ why I didn’t tell you!  I thought–!” Phil scoffed.  “And I thought this was way overdue.  Turns out we could’ve been doing this for years!”

 

Dan looked away.  His cheeks hurt from smiling. Sure, this made things a little more awkward for the people with them on the tour bus, and they probably had to take out some jokes about phan— but they probably wouldn’t do anything _too_ scandalous on tour. Too much of a chance to have it made public, when Dan… well, Dan wanted to keep it to himself for a while. Once they came out officially, there would be so many questions— _oh sweet Jesus live streaming will be hellish_ —but right now it was just them. And Dan _liked_ it like that. They don’t have to stress about being Daniel Howell and amazingphil. They could be Dan and Phil. They could be together. And that was— well, that was incredible.

 

“We’ve still got time before the tour. To, you know…” Dan’s face felt much too hot. “To figure things out.”

 

Phil— _Phil was blushing fuck fuck that’s adorable shit—_ smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

Well.

 

Dan would like that, too.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me like three months to write holy hell. Anyways give me feedback please if it’s hate comment literally thank u so much I appreciate it
> 
> Also if you’re a beta writer and you’re like “hey I wanna beta write for this kid” literally hit me up on my tumblr my user is femmbers it’s the same user please come and beta write I need it


End file.
